High school is the most exciting time in a student's life, you're not too guarded by your parents nor hounded by your academics. Life is simple in this stage of academic life, no term papers, projects and so on. At this stage, we explore both our physicality and emotional boundaries. Through interaction with other students we gain friends, and through friendship we test emotional boundaries. The test in friendship comes in many flavors of sort, from the cold wars to spicy romances... either way through our interactions, we dictate where we are going.
Here I come, as sad as I'm writing my frustrations into this blog site, it also helps me release frustrations that are blocking my freaking arteries of a cholesterol free heart (gym does work!). Every time I meet the right one, either the right one is taken or doesn't like me... sometimes I wonder who is the right one? What the fuck is her form?! Or why the hell is she always taken or doesn't want to be taken?! I don't know. Actually, sometimes I do know but then I'm concluding to early, like any other dope in the street with a bad breath. Sometimes I come too late, when the right one really comes. Maybe its my attitude, the way I interact or the way I look I don't really know... slowly my confidence is being stripped away from like some slow death due to radiation. Funny, I get too close to them, they shove me to the friends zone and they go out with someone else, they go to me complaining about the stupidity of guys and maybe, just maybe not noticing I'm a guy. Wow, that is one gay moment. I'm always that guy on Eric Clapton's song "Change The World", I can only dream and bide... but when I do act, it feels like nothing happened, point being maybe I'm trying to hard on this part. I don't understand women, I sincerely listen to them, be caring, compassionate and be myself (maybe that part is the ultimate turnoff!) but it seems nothing works for me. They always go for the rich bastard with a killer smile who looks WAAAAAAY better than me, has a car or whatsoever of life.
Maybe I'm dreaming, sometimes I wonder if I'm not destined to love, but the problem with that thought is that I don't believe in destiny. As a scientist, first, destiny goes against the mechanics of the universe, philosopher, second, destiny goes against the free will, a great paradox of thought. Sometimes I wonder why keep trying, I'm not gonna go to that point. Being pessimistic on love is really and emo-ish way to go but for reality sake, that's reality! Redundant as it may sound. Love is complicated, no its not love, its attraction. The evolution of emotion is a slow, sometimes stupid march. From friendly to romantic, its a ridiculous yet fruitful march. I can recall how many times I marched with the concept of evolution of emotion... and always at the end, pushed aside like some kid. I don't know what's worse... writing this or writing this in metaphors.
In some way, I am an unlucky bastard of love... searching for the right one... or a bunch of right ones. This is who I am, the guy who has a lot of friends that are girls but doesn't have any girl friend. A momentary inevitability... hopefully. Till that day comes where I really do get my chance, I'm a hopeful romantic with a fondness on the philosophy of love. Maybe reading too much Rousseau is bad for you. But then reading too much of everything is bad.
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